Halloween 2010 Reading/Movie: Carrie

Forget about the diabolical clowns or creepy poltergeists. Get your popcorn, pizza and soda ready for the vintage movie from the book or the book that was made into a movie: Stephen King's Carrie.

Carrie is the ultimate pariah in the typical American highschool - withdrawn and insecure, she hides a secret power and a secret homelife and nurtures special dreams just like any other teenage girl.

When the high school hotties play a dirty trick on her, trampling on her hopes, Carrie unleashes her rage that turns a dream prom into a nightmare.

King at his early best!

Etiquette for the Next Girlfriend

Are you the next girlfriend? If you are, then there's a tall order from the standard your predecessor set, for better or for worse.

Before you, there was a love affair of the now-ex-girlfriend. Your boyfriend and his ex shared a history, whether long or short, good or bad, happy or sad. That's a given. You, yourself, unless this is your first time to enter into a relationship shared a history with your previous mate.

Then ties were severed, bitterly or gracefully, partly or in totality.

And now you and your boyfriend forge a new life together.

How do you deal with the past history which is part of the whole which is your boyfriend? What do you do when you see presents from the ex-girlfriend still decorated in your boyfriend's place? How do you respond when his ex-girlfriend or a member of that continues to interact with your lover?

1. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PAST. Just as you have your own history apart from your boyfriend, your boyfriend has that too. Don't meddle with it. Treat it according to its position: a thing/relic of the past. So with his ex's gifts (after all, you've received gifts from your exes too - it's a matter of how both of you decide what to do with these things).

2. RESPECT YOUR PREDECESSORS. Whether she be an ex-wife, former paramour or plain ex-girlfriend, show some grace in accepting his past and showing them that you are worthy to be part of his life, his PRESENT life. Should you meet his past flames, be magnanimous (even if you should find that his exes are deplorable). This will impress the others, or cause jealousy at the worst, but it will give you a feeling of goodwill not only to your boyfriend and to his exes, but most of all to yourself.

3. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S FAMILY. This will never go out of style. Even if you find that you don't like them that much, always be polite. There's nothing like a courteous girlfriend (whether you're 16 or 65). Keep your distance should you find them disagreeable. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, to quote the Desiderata. But show respect.

4. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PRIVACY. In the digital era, this is the easiest rule to break. What with accessible cellphones and hackable emails. But you will know something's wrong with your relationship when you will feel the itch to check his messages behind his back or even upfront.

5. RESPECT YOURSELF. Should you find something amiss, i.e. a flirtatious message from an ex-girlfriend or someone you don't know from Adam, confront your boyfriend, but never give yourself away to the other person. Confronting the other person will put you in a compromised position: you will appear uncouth, uneducated and wretched. You may feel the latter, as jealousy is normal. But if you cave in and explode to her, you could be accused of assault (physical or verbal)and you also give up your power. Keep your self-respect at all times. If there is a person you need to face, it is your boyfriend. Let him be the one to tell her off, this will be the test of your relationship. LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP if you need to. Or work it out with your boyfriend without giving the other person the satisfaction of your jealousy.

One of the hallmarks of a longstanding relationship, aside from the mush called love, is RESPECT.

Humor: Sex Education?

My eleven year old son and I were waiting to be waited at the mall pharmacy. He was looking at the merchandise on the left side of the counter.
Son: (Reading aloud from a packet) Brand-X Lubricating Jelly, water-based, easy to use, condom-safe. (Pause) Ma, what's a condom?
Me: Er, er, it's a plastic (!), like a plastic bag, a man puts on his penis to protect himself from diseases... But it's not too safe, it sometimes gets ripped... (Satisfied with the answer, despite the faltering introduction).
Son: Ah, yeah, the disease... (looking thoughtful) So ma, why are they flavored?
Me: @.@ (Dazed) It's like, er, perfume, son...Yeah (sniff) They want to put perfume... @.@

Hotdogs, Barbecue & Cakes, anyone?

Check these out! Look at the mouth-watering barbecue, hotdogs and burgers on the grill!

This designer cake was made by Isabel's Confections as a gift to the pastry chef's friend who opened her own barbecue restaurant.

I thought the hotdogs were real, but the chef said that all the edible toppings are made from gumpaste. Such a creative gift!

New Notes on Safety Measures

It pays to be SAFE AND VIGILANT ALWAYS.

Beware of posers. Warn your house help, relatives and staff of posers who SEEM to be looking for you or a member of the family (or officemate, in the workplace). TELL YOUR STAFF AND FAMILY MEMBERS NOT TO LET UNFAMILIAR PEOPLE INTO YOUR PREMISES, even if they claim to be relatives, close friends or business associates.

These people look confident, educated and ACT AS IF THEY HAVE IMPORTANT BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS OR SOCIAL RELATIONS TO YOU.

LET US TRAIN OUR CHILDREN IN DEALING WITH STRANGERS. It's sad, but the police and intelligence officers I have spoken with have said that October to February are the months when MODUS OPERANDI are rampant in progressive cities such as ours. TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WHAT TO DO WHEN STRANGERS TALK TO THEM. "Don't talk to strangers even if these strangers look and act pleasant and claim to know you." Teach them who strangers are (people who are unfamiliar to them). It's okay when children act aloof to people they meet for the first time (even the ones you know). It is one of their ways of protecting themselves. If a stranger holds their hand, tell the children to scream out for you and bite the stranger or do anything to attract other people's attention (make your own suggestions to your children/ask your children what they think will help them be safe and work from there). They will appear rude and uncouth but BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

As much as we want to expose the children to the outside world, it is best to keep an eye on them at all times while teaching them safety measures, especially the young children, tweens and teens.

I'm saying this because there have been real incidents wherein a "confident", Tagalog-speaking man who calls himself different names for each location (sometimes not identifying himself at all), rides a Maroon Vios (Plate # to be posted later), has been surveying premises within our barangay, in the guise of having some "important personal business" with "someone" in the premises. This has happened in two different locations known to me. Thank God no harm has been done to anyone within both premises. BUT BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY. IT'S SAD, BUT FOR SUSPICIOUS LOOKING PEOPLE WITH DUBIOUS INTENTIONS AND ACTIONS - "Guilty until proven innocent."

This has already been reported to one of the higher ranking police officers (a family friend) and to the active members of the barangay. Safety measures are being taken.

LET US PRAY FOR SAFETY AND PROTECTION FOR OUR CITIES, PUBLIC PLACES, SCHOOLS AND HOMES. LET US TAKE ACTION IN PROTECTING OURSELVES AS WELL. May God bring security and peace in each of our lives.

Whether this Bible verse is within context, this will still help us gain the courage to carry on while being safe:

1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."

So while we are being on GUARD, let us also have faith that God oversees all.

GOD BLESS US ALL. Please pass whether by message or word-of-mouth. Thank you.

Picture Source

Travel Love: Camiguin Lanzones Festival 2010

I had the chance to visit Camiguin, an island which is a 1 hour and 20 minute plane ride from Manila and a 2 and a half hour fast-craft ride from Cagayan de Oro City last week, in time to witness the Lanzones Festival highlights which are the Miss Camiguin Tourism and the streetdancing the next day.

This year's festival was blessed with fair weather, which is unusual at this time of the year for the Island Born of Fire. Camiguin is a pear shaped island with a 68 km coastline that can be traveled by motorcycle in half a day or less. It has 7 active volcanoes responsible for the fertile land that produces the sweet Lanzones. It has retained its old world charm and still boasts of the marriage between the indigineous culture and Spanish heritage. One can tell by the smiles and hospitable gestures of the Camiguinons that their beautiful virgin island has not yet been adulterated by the uptightness of "progressive city life".

This is not to say that Camiguin is backwards, as most of its resorts have Wi-Fi access and other modern amenities. In fact, because tourism is one of their strongest industries, Camiguin banks on it's almost untouched environment. There are still vast expanses of greenery: forests, rice fields, front and backyards. There are beautiful coastlines of un-littered beaches. It is also a photographer's paradise with the silhouette of Hibok-Hibok looming over the island.

A week's stay in Camiguin rejuvenates one's weary soul. With the local scenery and the locals' smiles, their delicacies (pastel - a custard filled bun, tablea - native chocolate, dried squid and etc.) and the restful ambiance of this tourists' paradise, Camiguin is absolutely perfect!

Book Love: Ilustrado

I can hear the supercilious, syrupy singsong - mellifulous - lilt of the women from Manila; their Tagalog peppered with English or the other way around. The normalcy of pretense and the pronounced dysfunction in a family dinner where the protagonist guests is a total riot. The ubiquitous Filipino world-view (from my vantage point) of finding the right to be citizens of the world, finding passports from Goethe ("National literature no longer means much these days, we are entering an era of Weltliterature.") and being well-heeled and -traveled is palpable in each rich chapter of Miguel Syjuco's award winning novel Ilustrado.

The book is erudite, no doubt about it. There is a myriad of high-sounding words (get your dictionaries ready!) and intelligent jokes (deftly translated from the hysterical dialect to the equally hilarious English conversion) that lend to the true Ilustrado appeal and parody even. All in all, the book has its attraction on both the honesty and the self-depreciating quality Syjuco weaves his Filipino-universal Ilustrado story.

While it is wittily engaging, it is a modern-day exhortation of sorts for Filipinos to look at our culture straight in the eye and see it for what it is. You've got a good eye, Syjuco. Kudos! You have made this Filipino book lover proud!

Book Love: Peony in Love by Lisa See

(Video from Lisa See's official website)

Peony in Love is the historical novel by Lisa See set in the opulent Chen family villa and the lively Chinese afterworld back in the time when Lotus Feet were the rage and women's work got published.

Sixteen year old Peony, beautiful and betrothed, reaches a turning point in her life when she meets the man of her dreams on the opening night of her favorite play, The Peony Pavilion. She and her dream lover meet in secret in the courtyards of her family villa. Her sweet clandestine affair evolves into a lovesickness not unlike her favorite heroine, Du Liniang.

Will there be true love for Peony, who has been promised to another?
What course will she take in the pursuit of finding her happy ending?

Peony in Love will sweep you off your feet to vistas of China and the rich landscape of Love.

Kasambahay Bootcamp

We have to admit the benefits of living in the Philippines is the availability of domestic help within our capacity to employ and add as a member of our household. Hiring a household helper will change the family's lifestyle for better or for worse, so it would be beneficial to consider some important things.

This post will attempt to answer the question: Any tips on hiring, training and hopefully keeping a house helper?

On hiring:
1. Employment agencies - they have the advantage of trained helpers and midwives (as "yayas" for infants).
2. By recommendation - from friends, relatives, employees, co-workers.

(It would be good to ask for a barangay clearance, police clearance & valid ID; cellphone numbers of relations in the helper's hometown).

Meeting the kasambahay (the interview):
1. Things to look out for:

• a. Respectful bearing and language, eye contact.
  
• b. Hygiene (check out for body odor, bad breath)
• c. Manner of dressing (tacky, sexy? neat? respectable?)
• d. Intelligence (Street smarts and common sense)

2. Things to ask about:

• a. Name, age, address, occupation of parents, siblings, cellphone number
• b. Educational attainment
• c. Health problems (asthmatic? allergic? arthritic?)
• d. Ambition in life
• e. Basic household skills
• f. Expected salary (optional*)
• g. Relatives and friends in the city
• h. Opinions on children, housework, etc.

Give yourself a day or two until you decide whether the applicant in question suits your needs (based on the first impression and the interview). This will also test the applicant's decisiveness in having you as her employer.

Should you decide not to hire the applicant, tell her so politely.

When you and the applicant have agreed with the employment, take a week's off to personally train the helper. This will benefit you greatly as it will also be the time to test the new employee's trustworthiness and thoroughness with work. This time can be used to show the new employee the household's routine and needs. A few things first:

Before training:

• a. Inform the new employee how much her salary will be and when payday will be.
• b. Indicate the benefits of employment (include the comparison between renting a room and the free room that comes with employment, free meals and snacks).
• c. Indicate the boundaries of the benefits (what do free meals include? coffee, tea, milk? or none? Be specific with the boundaries (Is the detergent she will use for your laundry be the same she will use for hers? Who will buy her toiletries?).
• d. Inform her of her rest day and what time and day she is expected to return.
• e. You can have a trial period of one month and inform her if she decides this.
• f. Inform her that should either of party decide to terminate the employment, all her bags will be checked before she leaves.
• g. Tell her of the boundaries you feels strongly about. ("I don't want to smell my perfume on you.", "Never take things that are not yours.", "Use your own slippers, comb, towel, etc.", "Take care while washing and ironing the clothes.")

Training:
On the first day:
1. Orient the new staff on the daily routine, integrating a house tour and what you want done everyday. Make sure to give her enough lunch and rest in the middle of the day.
2. Write down her schedule (daily, weekly).

Within the week:
1. Check if she was able to follow through the schedule you gave on the first day.
2. Always put your valuables in a safe place. Tell your family to do the same. Always check pockets before putting it in the laundry.
3. If you should test the trustworthiness of a household helper, make sure you willing to risk firing her and losing the "test" item. Go back to square one.

How to keep a good helper:

1. Treat her well. There is a Kasambahay Bill Situationer which will help to protect your own and the employees interests.
2. Appreciate her good efforts through kind and sincere words and occasional tokens of gratitude.
3. Give her a raise.
4. Give her used items (clothing, etc.)
5. Feed her well (but remember your personal boundaries).
6. Give her enough rest and respect her personal space.
7. Nobody's perfect: she may be a good cook but a lousy cleaner or vice versa. If she's worth keeping (maybe because she's trustworthy), you might be willing to overlook her imperfection based on your own need.
8. Treat her the way you would want to be treated if you sought domestic employment in a king's palace (you are the queen of your home after all).
9. Be honest with her. Pay her on time and give her the rest day you agreed upon.
10. Take care of her health. (Her physical well-being is her investment. She will not be able to serve you well.)
11. Add your own.

(image from wikimedia commons)