Etiquette for the Next Girlfriend

Are you the next girlfriend? If you are, then there's a tall order from the standard your predecessor set, for better or for worse.

Before you, there was a love affair of the now-ex-girlfriend. Your boyfriend and his ex shared a history, whether long or short, good or bad, happy or sad. That's a given. You, yourself, unless this is your first time to enter into a relationship shared a history with your previous mate.

Then ties were severed, bitterly or gracefully, partly or in totality.

And now you and your boyfriend forge a new life together.

How do you deal with the past history which is part of the whole which is your boyfriend? What do you do when you see presents from the ex-girlfriend still decorated in your boyfriend's place? How do you respond when his ex-girlfriend or a member of that continues to interact with your lover?

1. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PAST. Just as you have your own history apart from your boyfriend, your boyfriend has that too. Don't meddle with it. Treat it according to its position: a thing/relic of the past. So with his ex's gifts (after all, you've received gifts from your exes too - it's a matter of how both of you decide what to do with these things).

2. RESPECT YOUR PREDECESSORS. Whether she be an ex-wife, former paramour or plain ex-girlfriend, show some grace in accepting his past and showing them that you are worthy to be part of his life, his PRESENT life. Should you meet his past flames, be magnanimous (even if you should find that his exes are deplorable). This will impress the others, or cause jealousy at the worst, but it will give you a feeling of goodwill not only to your boyfriend and to his exes, but most of all to yourself.

3. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S FAMILY. This will never go out of style. Even if you find that you don't like them that much, always be polite. There's nothing like a courteous girlfriend (whether you're 16 or 65). Keep your distance should you find them disagreeable. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, to quote the Desiderata. But show respect.

4. RESPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PRIVACY. In the digital era, this is the easiest rule to break. What with accessible cellphones and hackable emails. But you will know something's wrong with your relationship when you will feel the itch to check his messages behind his back or even upfront.

5. RESPECT YOURSELF. Should you find something amiss, i.e. a flirtatious message from an ex-girlfriend or someone you don't know from Adam, confront your boyfriend, but never give yourself away to the other person. Confronting the other person will put you in a compromised position: you will appear uncouth, uneducated and wretched. You may feel the latter, as jealousy is normal. But if you cave in and explode to her, you could be accused of assault (physical or verbal)and you also give up your power. Keep your self-respect at all times. If there is a person you need to face, it is your boyfriend. Let him be the one to tell her off, this will be the test of your relationship. LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP if you need to. Or work it out with your boyfriend without giving the other person the satisfaction of your jealousy.

One of the hallmarks of a longstanding relationship, aside from the mush called love, is RESPECT.